The bugs shall inherit the earth

“Oh, hello. Have you only just arrived?”

Her voice was musical, the enunciation perfect with the vowels flowing like honey oozing from a squeeze-easy bottle. The pretty young thing fluttered her eyelashes coyly and stood taking in the newcomer’s appearance with the frank curiosity of a scientist on the verge of discovering a new disease.

Before the newcomer could reply, he heard an agonised yell nearby. A heavy body crashed through the dense silicon-copper-resin foliage and landed with a loud plop! at his feet. This recent arrival, with his big head, a rotund middle and long white beard...

Read the full story in the August 2010 anthology A World Of Their Own

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3935 words Humour/Fantasy/Science Fiction
US publication

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Words from the Wise

"I like the plot"

Julie Ann Dawson

Editor

Bards and Sages

"It's an amusing idea"

Christopher East

Fiction Editor

Futurismic

"The subject matter is of interest to our readers and the story is well written"

Anonymous

Editors

Alternative Coordinates

"There's a good idea here"

Michael Colangelo

Editor

Ideomancer

"Thanks for an interesting story such as this. As a software engineer by day, I enjoyed the comparisons with Newton's laws."

Samuel Montgomery-Blinn

Editor/Publisher

Bull Spec

"We enjoyed reading it"

Sue Babcock

Editor

Silver Blade

"It's a good story overall, I certainly liked the personification of bugs, especially with a background in systems"

J. E. Taylor

Assistant Editor

Allegory

"The story caught our attention"

Adrian Simmons

Editor

Heroic Fantasy Quarterly

"You have a well written and original story"

Michael C. Pennington

Editor

Aurora Wolf Journal

"It is a cute story"

Stephanie Ann Johanson

Assistant Editor

Neo-opsis Science Fiction Magazine

"It is a nice idea and there is a nice level of humour to the piece"

John Kenny

Editor

Albedo One

"This was a fun and light-hearted fantasy piece about personified computer bugs"

Djibril Alayad

Editor

Future Fire

Turning the tables

Submission Guidelines, Contributor Guidelines, Writer Guidelines or just Guidelines - every magazine has a set of regulations according to which they like to receive material for publication. Deviate from these holy decrees and there is sure to be a "Sorry, but your article does not suit our present needs" response waiting for you in the post. Some rules are easy to understand, others are complicated to follow, but all are non-negotiable. The only thing that is certain if they are not adhered to, is rejection.

Wouldn't it be nice if writers could get back at the editors of these magazines...

Read the full article in the August 2010 issue of Writing World

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535 wordsHumour
US publication

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Words from the Wise

"I like the work (it’s an intriguing concept and table-turner)"

Zachary Petit

Assistant Editor

Writer's Digest

"This definitely made me chuckle!"

Moira Allen

Publisher

Writing World

Deep impressions

‘Did it hurt?’

‘No. Well, a bit.’

‘What will your Ammi say?’

‘She’ll be cool. No big deal. Raised eyebrows, a shake of her head, maybe some extra work for me to do around the house. But she’ll take it well, you’ll see. After all, we don’t live in the dark ages anymore.’

But masking my anxiety with false bravado is not helping. I leave my friend and make my way home feeling a little sick in the stomach. Where is that euphoria – that feeling of supreme confidence and utter control – of power – that I had felt when the cold black ink had first spurted its way into my clear blemishless skin?

Ammi-jaan is in the....

Read the full article in the August 2010 issue of Underground Voices

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352 wordsDark/Flash Fiction
US publication

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Words from the Wise

"This is nice"

Jim Tucker

Assistant Editor

Underground Voices

"Some really compelling writing in this"

Camille Alexa

Flash Fiction Editor

Abyss & Apex

"This story sticks"

Anonymous

Editors 1, 2 and 3 (of 6)

Flashquake

"I like this"

Antonios

Editor

Vestal Review

"I like it"

Dash

Editor

Expanded Horizons

The National Sea Life Centre in Birmingham, UK

The gigantic eye swivels around to gaze at me unblinkingly. The cavernous mouth opens to take in water and the yawning hollow beckons the naive morsel with promises of unseen delights. The tail swishes lazily and with one smooth fluid stroke, the glistening streamlined body undulates forward several feet.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the reflections bouncing off the water’s surface die out to reveal an unremarkable area of water totally devoid of any life. Of the microscopic dwarf Goby there is no sign, as though it had never existed except perhaps as a figment of my imagination....

Read the full article in the July 2010 issue of Tropical Fish Hobbyist

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2085 wordsHumour/Non-fiction
US publication

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Words from the Wise

"We love your article"

Shari Horowitz

Associate Editor

Tropical Fish Hobbyist

Owls in the bathroom

There’s not much to do when you are bed-ridden with only the bed bugs and mosquitoes for company, other than to stare at the ceiling, count the cracks and calculate exactly how much time the square inch of paint will take to peel right off and fall on you. So when the doctor ordered complete bed rest for an excruciating back pain recently, this is pretty much all I did.

Of the bed bugs and mosquitoes, there’s precious little to tell. They visited me often and at all hours of day and night, the bed bugs whispering local gossip into my ears and the mosquitoes bringing tidings from far off places. The paint ...

Read the full article in the June 2010 issue of Horizon Magazine


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1190 words
Humour
Canada publication

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Words from the Wise

"This was fun to read"

Lorna Loveless

Editor

BackHome

"Lovely story"

Nicola Ross

Editor

Alternatives

"A clever and feisty tale - and a nice reminder that we should not underestimate how clever and nimble our fellow creatures truly are."

Erica Dorpalen

for the editor

Orion

"Your story is written in an interesting style - very expressive. The unusual situation of having
an owl sitting on your toilet bowl is a great image."

David Peters

Editor

Fried Fiction

"This author has a knack for dry humor layered into complex language. There are many nicely-turned phrases in this piece"

Anonymous

Manuscript Reader

Quality Fiction

"It has merit"

Veronica Ross

Manuscript Reader

Antigonish Review

"We very much enjoyed reading it"

Tim Kroenert

Associate Editor

Eureka Street

"Interesting concept, an owl in the toilet"

Anonymous

Editor (1 of 6)

Flashquake

"I enjoyed reading the opening paragraph"

Anonymous

Editor (2 of 6)

Flashquake

The ties that bind

I am around eight years old and totally flummoxed. My mother has just posed the following conundrum to me:
“Two pairs of mothers and daughters went to the market and bought three lemons. They each got a whole lemon. How is that possible?”

Resisting the urge to just stare at her and blurt out that she is joking, I carefully go over the riddle word by word. After five minutes of straining the grey cells, I am nowhere near the answer. Five more frustrating minutes with numerous fractions worked out infront of me, and I utterly give up. Mum smiles and explains, “The two pairs were: a Grandmother, a Mother...

Read the full article in the Summer 2010 issue of Ducts

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2025 wordsEssay
US publication

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Words from the Wise

"I liked this essay... I thought your subject and tone were interesting... The description of the family writing its history is very funny... I do like the topic and think there's gentle comedy and potentially something profound about the piece... I'd love to have this essay... You did a marvelous job of bringing the essay to a conclusion, and I had the good kind of chill going down my back as I read your final paragraph. You cogently and eloquently explained the reason for this endearing tradition, and I suspect that many Americans may end up being more than a little jealous of not having such a tradition after reading your account and its meaning... Again, this was really a wonderful result... Congratulations."

Elizabeth Rosen

Essays and Memoirs Editor

Ducts

"I thought this was a very interesting story and compelling to read"

Diana Lyles

CEO

Scribblers and Ink Spillers

Present from the past

Helen Blackwell’s birthday was fast approaching. That is to say, it was about eight months away, but when one is your best friend, you can’t plan too far enough in advance. And on her 40th, I was determined to pull out all stops.

Helen and I had been friends since childhood. We grew up together, went to the same school, attended colleges in neighbouring towns and got married within a few months of each other. We knew each other’s families like our own and each other’s thoughts better than ourselves. I knew she would want an unusual gift that would complete her special day. Not cosmetics, she...
Read the full article in the May 2010 issue of Practical Family History


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1215 words
Humour
UK publication
Includes ten funny cartoons featuring Debora and her menage!

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Words from the Wise

"It is a really lovely piece, and well written... I really enjoyed the article as it is a lovely, light, read on a family history theme... I am sure it will make a lovely feature... Thank you for the funny illustrations"

Karen Clare

(Acting) Editor

Practical Family History

"It's a lovely story"

Debbie Attewell

Editor

Candis